


What The Shit, Parker?

by blindedbythetomlinsun



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Hate to Love, Johnny and Harry are lame friends, M/M, WHAT THE SHIT, Wade sucks at feelings, almost bullying, gratuitous use of the word fight
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-12-12 04:18:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11729343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blindedbythetomlinsun/pseuds/blindedbythetomlinsun
Summary: The thing is, Peter Parker absolutely hates Wade Wilson - there's no doubt about it. The stupid sophomore never seems to leave him alone - he's always riling Peter up, picking fights, and overall being an annoying little shit - and as a junior, a whole year older, Peter really doesn't have the time, patience, or interest to deal with him and his petty antics. They aren't in the same grade or social groups, so why the kid insists on getting on Peter's every single nerve out of all the other perfectly annoyable students in his own year eludes Peter.





	1. Chapter 1

Peter shoulders his satchel, runs a hand through his artfully-mussed hair, then adjusts his glasses as he trudges through the front doors of his high school. At first glance, the brunet could be coined as a hipster, but Peter prefers to disassociate from the 'hipster' label (because he isn't one - far from it) and just leave it at, _'I enjoy photography and I like to look the part.'_

As Peter heads down the hallway to his locker, sneakers scuffing the floor and no-doubt leaving some skid marks, a blond blur speeds towards him and rams into him hard enough to knock both his glasses and his bag to the ground.

"What the hell?!" Peter growls, not even bothering to look up as he crouches to retrieve his things. He already knows who the culprit is, and he is _so_  not happy. When he straightens to glare at the offender, the smug face of Wade Wilson stares back at him.

The thing is, Peter Parker absolutely _hates_  Wade Wilson - there's no doubt about it. The stupid sophomore never seems to leave him alone - he's always riling Peter up, picking fights, and overall being an annoying little shit - and as a junior, _a whole year older_ , Peter really doesn't have the time, patience, or _interest_  to deal with him and his petty antics. They aren't in the same grade or social groups, so why the kid insists on getting on Peter's every single nerve out of all the other perfectly annoyable students in his own year eludes Peter.

"Oops, sorry Parker. I was running to the caf and I didn't see you there!" Wilson exclaims, eyes wide and innocent. Peter knows he's full of bullshit, though - a teacher has peeked their head out to investigate the ruckus, and stupid Wade Wilson wants to play the innocent card so as not to get in deep shit. Of course, it's too-fucking-early o'clock and Peter isn't in the mood to get into trouble either, so he shrugs.

"S'alright. Just watch out next time, okay? God," Peter grumbles, shoving past the younger teen to stomp to his locker. As Peter unlocks his lock, a mop of blond hair appears at his side and Peter groans. "Fuck off, Wilson. Haven't you done enough? It's too early, Jesus."

"Woah, hey, I think you need to chill out," the blond replies, except it isn't Wilson's voice.

"Nice of you to drop in, Johnny," Peter greets sarcastically, shoving his books into his satchel.

"Like a streak of light, I arrive just in time," Johnny chirps, leaning on the locker beside Peter's.

"It's barely 8:30 and Wilson's already pulled something on you?" a new voice asks incredulously. "Dang, Peter. The pipsqueak must really have it out for you."

"Shut up, Harry. I can't believe I actually have my own personal bully and you're treating it like a joke," Peter sighs, shaking his head as he shuts his locker.

"Dude, c'mon. The phrase 'personal bully' is already a joke itself," Harry retorts, and Johnny snickers.

"You guys suck," Peter says, internally wishing he had better friends. Of course he would be stuck with the two most annoying people on the planet to be his best friends. The world hates Peter like that - it's just the Parker luck.

"Pete, you're a junior. You graduate next year. And yet, you're getting wrecked by a _sophomore_ ," Johnny says, giving the brunet an unimpressed look. "If you're letting a pipsqueak push you around, you need help."

"Now that Johnny puts it that way, that actually seems like a pretty rough predicament," Harry sympathizes. "I mean, to be bullied every day by a younger guy ... That's gotta be rough."

Harry and Johnny, or as Peter will now refer to them as, the two _traitors_ , burst into laughter and begin to role play, with Harry as Peter and Johnny as Wade.

"Not fucking funny you guys," Peter calls over his shoulder, rolling his eyes as Johnny pretends to beat up Harry while the latter fake-cries dramatically. Fortunately, the bell rings and Peter dashes off to his first period class, eager to abandon his idiotic friends. They just don't _understand_ \- he seriously hates Wade Wilson.

 

During lunch, Peter wonders not for the first time about why his life is the way it is, in true teenage-angst fashion. First of all, his parents are kind of dead, which. _Really_  sets the bar for his unfortunate life. Secondly, his two best friends are possibly the most obnoxious idiots ever. Third, he has some pipsqueak sophomore always harassing him. And lastly, said pipsqueak sophomore is across the cafeteria chatting with his two obnoxious idiot BFFs.

_What_.

Peter narrows his eyes as if doing so will give his ears better hearing powers, and he frowns as the three begin to laugh. What ever did Peter do to deserve this life? As Johnny and Harry depart from Wilson and head over to him, Peter shifts his gaze to the open book in front of him and pretends to have been reading the whole time.

"'Sup, Pete?" Johnny greets, nodding a head at the brunet.

"Shh, Johnny, he's reading," Harry chastises. "You know how Peter gets when we bother him while he's 'immersed in a novel.'"

"It's almost as if Wilson himself has descended from the Heavens to tell Peter they're soulmates," Johnny snickers, and Peter's heart stops.

"Wilson and I?" he asks warily, putting his book down. He ignores how hard his heart is thumping and brushes it off as mere surprise.

"Well yeah, if he did that, you'd be pretty pissed off, right?" Johnny prompts, and Peter nods.

"Exactly!" Harry says. "So we're just comparing the two scenarios."

"You guys are stupid," Peter retorts, hoping to God that his voice isn't as shaky as it sounds like to him.

"As stupid as Wilson?" Johnny teases, and Harry laughs.

"No," Peter replies after a moment of brief consideration, "even stupider." Peter really shouldn't be surprised when both Harry and Johnny throw pieces of their food at him.

 

Peter is going to be late to class after lunch because of stupid Wilson. Granted, Wilson hasn't actually _done_  anything, but Peter is way too distracted by Johnny's throwaway "soulmates" comment and therefore it's technically Wilson's fault if he's late. The mere thought of it is appalling, really - Wilson and Peter dating. Peter just can't wrap his head around it, and he'd really prefer it to stay that way. Johnny and Harry are just being stupid, as usual, but Peter would very much like to know exactly what they were discussing with Wilson at lunch.

"Thinking about me again, Parker?"

Peter startles and glances up. He scowls once he sees that it's (surprise, surprise!) Wilson, but his cheeks begin to redden because he _was_  in fact, just thinking about the little shit.

"Fuck off, Wilson," Peter grumbles, using his binder to shield off the younger boy.

"Don't you have a class to get to? Is Prestigious Parker actually skipping class?" the blond gasps melodramatically.

"I'm trying to get there but an annoying yellow-head is in my way," Peter retorts, walking faster.

"That sounds like a racist or derogatory term," Wilson calls.

"The only thing that's derogatory here is you," Peter calls back without missing a beat, and he turns the corner into a different hallway. He ignores both the fast pace of his heart and the thrill that occurs from the encounter and slips quietly into his English class, hoping that the redness to his cheeks will go unnoticed.

It's only November. It's too frickin' early in the year for this shit.


	2. Chapter 2

Every day, like clockwork, Peter Parker tells Wade Wilson to, "Fuck off." If he's feeling particularly generous towards the annoying sophomore, he'll say, "Fight me."  In regards to the latter, Wilson more-often-than-not replies with something along the lines of, "You wish you could." Or other words to that extent. 

It's really just a daily routine between the two of them; quite frankly, Peter would be worried if one of them didn't follow through with their daily harassment of each other. _However_ , Peter thinks, _it definitely would be a refreshing change ..._

As Peter shoulders his satchel and strides through the hall on his way to first period, ten minutes early to avoid the upcoming class rush, a sharp nudge to his side causes him to stumble briefly.

"Fight me," Peter sighs exasperatedly, recovering from the sudden loss of balance. He continues to walk, not even bothering to turn his head. Call him petty, but he won't give Wilson the satisfaction of seeing him redden. Hopefully the little brat hadn't noticed the lack of bite in his verbal jab.

"I'd rather spare you the embarrassment, Petey boy," Wilson chirps, agonizingly cheerful in that awful, sarcastic way of his. "We both know that I'd win."

"According to who?" Peter retorts, scoffing as he side-eyes his little nemesis. Er, make that, _not-so_ little. Peter hates to admit it, but Wilson nearly towers over him; although our friendly neighborhood photographer is only a few inches shorter than the blond, Wilson holds himself in such a way that makes him appear taller than he actually is.

"Everyone," Wilson replies matter-of-factly, and, _well_. If this isn't an interesting change from their usual sharp banter and verbal abuse.  Witty Wilson isn't so quick-witted at the moment, Peter thinks in subtle glee.

"I hate to burst your bubble, Wilson, but I'll have you know that I'm more than capable of taking you right here and now."

Wilson stops walking and Peter knows he shouldn't but he turns to look and - oh. _Oh_.

Peter blushes a deep, deep red. Red enough that if he were crossing the road, cars would hit the brakes thinking he was a stop light or a stop sign or basically anything that screamed 'holy fuck do NOT proceed.'

"No. No, no. _No_ ," he says firmly, keeping his head ducked down but jabbing a finger in the sophomore's direction. "That is _not_  what I meant and you know it, dickhead!"

To spare himself further embarrassment, Peter turns on his heel with a little _huff_ , and continues on his way to first period. Thanks to that little fiasco, he'll only be five minutes early instead of ten.

Peter absolutely _loathes_  Wade Wilson.

 

"But why?" Harry asks, genuinely curious and equally confused.

Peter falters at that, having frozen with his mouth open to respond. He blinks profusely for a moment before closing his mouth, molding it into a deep, contemplative frown.

The thing is, Peter doesn't quite _know_  why he hates Wade Wilson. Aside from the constant bullying - oh, yes, that's it.

"The constant bullying," Peter says nonchalantly, as if he weren't just in the middle of an existential crisis.

"But Wilson's a nice guy," Harry insists, brows furrowing in further confusion. "I don't get why he picks on you."

"Now _that_  is the question you should be asking," Peter points out, nodding his head at his own genius observation. "I hate Wilson because he bullies me. The real question is, why does he bully me when he's apparently such a 'decent guy' around everyone else?"

Harry holds his hands up in surrender, shaking his head mournfully.

"Don't ask me, man. I can't even pretend to know what goes on in Wilson's head."

Peter lets out a long-suffering sigh.

"Guess it's up to me to figure it out myself, then," he says woefully. Harry pats him on the shoulder for support.

It was time to figure out why Wade absolutely _loathes_  Peter Parker.

 

"What is your fucking _deal?"_  Peter asks after school the next day as Wilson body checks him into the wall by the water fountain. Peter doesn't like to think about what would've happened if Wilson had attacked him just a few feet forward - the water fountain looked like it would hurt like a bitch when shoved into.

Anyways, Peter has never been one for tact, really, hence the sudden outburst.

Wilson stops, stepping back a bit in confusion. Peter takes the opportunity to properly assess his assailant and realizes that his hair looks very blond and shiny in the light. His eyes are also a beautiful dark brown - Pete's own eyes are a bright, hazel colour, and he briefly thinks that when it comes to guys like him and Wilson, brown eyes are the best kind of eyes.

Peter looks up (and up and up) and scrutinizes Wilson's face - he looks confused, frustrated, and just the slightest bit remorseful. The scar on his left cheek makes him look more menacing than he really is - it trails downwards and spans the left side of his jaw, and part of his neck. It looks as if it goes down further, but his shirt obstructs the rest. Peter has never asked where it came from before. He'd never dared.

Wilson looks beautiful regardless, and isn't that a thing to say? He's attractive, Peter won't lie about that, but Wilson's questioning glance brings him back to reality.

"I'm sorry, what?" Peter asks sheepishly, blinking out of his reverie. Wilson rolls his eyes in a long-suffering manner and heaves a great sigh.

"I _said_ ," he repeats (and when did his voice get so mature?), "why the sudden curiosity, Petey?" He acts tough when he says it, but his eyes get kind of shifty and concerned, and he glances around as if scared. Peter scoffs.

"If you're worried that being seen talking to me will ruin your whole, 'I-hate-Peter-Parker' reputation that you have going on," Peter mocks, "I'll make it clear that this means nothing. Don't worry your gorgeous little head over it."

Wade stares at him, smirking, before his mouth contorts into the biggest shit-eating grin Peter has ever seen.

"What?" Peter snaps, distrusting the look immediately.

"You think I'm gorgeous," Wade sings in a tone that's way too smug for Peter's liking, and like, no. Fuck that shit. Seriously.

"It's a figure of speech, god," Peter grumbles, pushing past Wade to walk faster down the hallway.

"I believe the saying is actually 'pretty little head,' but I'm glad to know you stepped it up just to suit me!" Wade calls back, and his cocky laughter follows Peter all the way out of the school.

 

"Pete, you're a _junior_ ," Harry iterates later that evening at Peter's place. "He's a _sophomore_. He shouldn't even be able to have this much influence over you!"

"You think I don't know that?" Peter snaps as he lays down, hanging his head off the bed. "I tried to confront him earlier and he mocked me."

"Did you ask him seriously, or like you wanted to fight?" Harry asks, and honestly, he knows Peter way too well.

"That's neither here nor there," Peter dismisses with a wave of his hand. "Point is, Wilson won't talk."

"Because you haven't tried talking to him like a human being yet," Harry reasons, and Peter hates that he's right. He'd never tell him that though - Harry Osborn loves to be right.

"Fine, I'll try it your way," Peter concedes reluctantly. "But if I get beat up for it, it's your fault."

"Thatta boy, Pete!" Harry cheers, clapping him on the shoulder. Peter shrugs away from him and sticks his tongue out. "Wade's a nice guy, you'll see."

Peter isn't so sure, but he's willing to give it a try. And when has Wilson ever been _Wade_  to Harry?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, hello, I am back! Chapter 3 should be coming soon, but until then, have this!


End file.
